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Becoming a mom; 10 things I learned

Becoming a mom

As many of you know, we have had a daughter in august 2014. It’s almost 2 years ago. Our daughter Féline lived for 4 months only. Still I carried her for 6 months, she was early born, and I held her in my arms for 4 months. So I grew into becoming a mom and being a mom. This was the best experience in my life. I will never forget this and Féline made me a mom for life. I am grateful for this experience, although it was way too short and she should’ve stayed with us. I know she’s living in our hearts and when we talk about her, she is in our memories.

10 things I learned becoming a mom www.sofarsosabine.com parenting IC hospital preemie

10 things I learned

There are 10 things I learned by becoming a mom. Of course, this is just my personal experience. Every one experience this in their own way and I think my way isn’t better than others, but I just want to share it with you.

  1. Looking forward to have your baby. 
    The moment you become a mom or a parent, is scary but beautiful. To dream and to look forward to have your baby is giving so much hope and future dreams. At the same time, it’s a new experience you have to adapt to.
  2. Dealing with pregnancy struggles. 
    Pregnancy struggles are normal, but they are not always pleasant. Being morning sick is one of the most normal things during pregnancy but still not easy to start your day like that. Usually it was better with me when it was after 10 a.m. But before that, I must say that I hated every morning.
  3. Dealing with pain. 
    I have had some pain in my back and belly, some strange cramps and I don’t know what more. Normally you know why you’re in pain and you can recognize the pain, but when you’re pregnant you don’t know whether it’s normal or not. That was very strange to me.
  4. Dealing with HELLP-Syndrome and Pre-eclampsia
    Some of the worst pregnancy sicknesses that there is, is the HELLP syndrome (read more here). It’s a variety of Pre-eclampsia. I’ve had both sicknesses and that’s why the doctors saved my life with a emergency C-section when I was 26.6 weeks pregnant (Féline was exactly 3 months early born). The HELLP Syndrome and Pre-eclampsia are very scary, life threatening and very painful as well.
  5. My first surgery. 
    By having an emergency C-section, I experienced my first surgery. When they opened the belly, they cut 7 layers of tissue in the bump. It was very stressful, in the middle of the night, I smelled a lot of blood (my own) and it was very scary because it was dangerous too. I had no time to prepare myself to the C-section and when they took Féline out, I was not even allowed to hold her, she was put away in an incubator because she was only 740 grams. This is very upsetting after ‘giving birth’.
  6. Being patient.
    Since I had to wait three days after my C-section before the nurses allowed me to hold our own daughter, I’ve learned to become more patient. The circumstances made us wait, because she was a bit too weak and they wanted to observe her first.
  7. Becoming a mom.
    The moment I held Féline for the first time, I will never forget. Her legs had the same ‘rhythm’ when she kicked as in the bump. I remembered her like that from being in my belly and recognized it was her. This was the moment I felt that I became a mom. That she was born kind of. Even though it was 3 days after her birth date.
  8. Trusting my instincts.
    Sometimes I had some ideas about her treatment on the Intensive Care, she was on the IC for 4 months. In an incubator for the first weeks, and later in a small bed. Sometimes I had ideas about her treatment or questions that I couldn’t know, but the doctors still listened and checked the questions I had. There were many moments when I was right, when I just had a feeling it must have been that way. Unfortunately I had a feeling when I was pregnant, that there was something wrong with my pregnancy or baby. But I thought it was normal ‘scariness’ of becoming a mom. I even dreamed about it. I’ve been checked often in Sweden in the hospital because I had strange pains and things during the pregnancy. I felt like something was wrong, but I never trusted my instinct enough. After becoming a mom, I trust my instincts much more.
  9. Being a lion.
    To go through such a hard time with being sick, learning how to walk again, an emergency C-section and 4 months on the IC being scared about the life of our baby, is something that brought out the lion in me. I was much stronger than I ever knew. My will was so strong and I didn’t know I had this in me. I was called the lion mom of the department, because I was fighting so hard for Féline. She was a little lion too, she was suffering every day but always smiling, happy, satisfied when she saw us and she was very pretty too. She was amazing. To get to know her, was so beautiful and I am honored that she came into our lives.
  10. Live is not always about me.
    People ask themselves sometimes… “Why does this happen to me?”. Sometimes people think that it’s a punishment from God even. Or bad Karma. I think Féline was a blessing, I could never see this hard experience as something bad. However, this was maybe not about me, or my fiancé. I started to ask myself, “Why did Féline had us?”. Why did she had us in her life? We were one of the most dedicated parents in the whole hospital, we would have done anything for her and we did. Day and night we were available. Going to her, holding her hand with everything she went through. I even went with her in to the surgery room until it was no longer allowed. Which is really scary. I am glad that we could give this to her. I am glad that she maybe chose to be born with us. She needed to experience unconditional love maybe. We gave that to her. Maybe she needed to experience to have a mom and dad that would do anything for her. So I am not feeling sad for myself, I don’t ask myself why I had to go through this. No, I am happy that she was with us. I am happy that I am her mother and Mache her father. I am happy that she changed the both of us. The situation showed us who our true supporters and friends are in life. The situation opened a lot of eyes and I am grateful for that. Even though, I think no mother (or father) should ever loose a baby, because it’s so hard, but we are trying to make the best of the situation now. I am super grateful for having her for four months, rather than losing her right away. Even though I loved her more every day. She will always be my first baby girl and I will always be her proud mommy! <3

What did you learn by becoming a parent? 

How do you feel about this article? 

Be blessed,

Sabine

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41 Comments

  • Reply
    Leny
    15 June 2016 at 08:54

    Ja ik weet het nog als de dag van gisteren dat mijn kleindochter Féline werd geboren en dat mijn dochter Sabine moeder werd en mijn schoonzoon Mache vader.
    Het was heel dubbel, blijdschap en angst gingen samen.
    Moeder worden is fantastisch en oma worden zeker zo mooi, een kindje van je kind is heel speciaal.
    Daarom ben ik zo super trots op mijn kind, wat zij samen met Mache heeft moeten doorstaan is met geen pen te beschrijven en zij hebben gevochten als leeuwen om het leven weer op te pakken.
    Ze zullen altijd trotse ouders zijn van Féline die ook gevochten heeft als een leeuw.
    En er zijn zoveel mooie herinneringen aan die periode.
    Super zoals je jouw ervaring verteld Sabine en je bent een geweldige moeder dat heb je wel laten zien, ben super trots op jou 😘

    • Reply
      sofarsosabine
      16 June 2016 at 19:48

      Ja, jij was de beste oma he! =)

  • Reply
    Maikel
    15 June 2016 at 09:02

    I think this article shows so much about your personality, the amazing mom you are, the loving friend and wonderful fiancé. I am so proud of the both of you, how youve been fighting and dealing with everything which has come along the way.

    Love you both❤️

    • Reply
      sofarsosabine
      16 June 2016 at 19:49

      Becoming a mom is always something special, and even more nice to share it with friends like you xo

  • Reply
    Jacqui angel
    15 June 2016 at 09:22

    Beautifully written, you both and your daughter were blessed to have had each other for that short time.
    My thoughts are with you x

    • Reply
      sofarsosabine
      16 June 2016 at 19:49

      Thank you Jacqui! I really appreciate your comment. x

  • Reply
    Lubka Henry
    15 June 2016 at 10:44

    Such wise words. You’re a very strong and inspiring woman.
    I’m really happy to see that you see the good in what happened and you see God’s blessing through it. Sometimes it may be difficult to look at things that way, but you’re very brave and inspiring to do so. You had a little angel with you!

    • Reply
      sofarsosabine
      16 June 2016 at 19:50

      Thank you Lubka =) Becoming a mom is something I’m always going to be proud of and happy with.

  • Reply
    Megan Indoe
    15 June 2016 at 10:57

    Even though I am not a mother yet, I plan on being one one day! I found this post super helpful and love your perspective on being a mommy! Thanks for sharing your insight!

    • Reply
      sofarsosabine
      16 June 2016 at 19:50

      Thanks Megan. Becoming a mom is the best thing in the world.

  • Reply
    Marta
    15 June 2016 at 11:48

    This is so moving. It’s amazing how you recognised the same rhytm… I hope I can feel the same one day, but I’m very sorry because of what you needed to go through during your pregnancy, and very happy you had so much support. You’re the hero-mommy. And a wonderful person.

    • Reply
      sofarsosabine
      16 June 2016 at 19:50

      Thank you Marta, for calling me a hero-mommy. It made my day. x

  • Reply
    zaalberg
    15 June 2016 at 14:40

    I am proud at my daughter and son in law. I wished they share more things in their life with us. A new born child is such a precious thing. You can say the things very good in this blog. Every day I think of her, my daughter en my son. I look forward and I hope some day it will become better. Love you my dear Sabine. I know from the past that docter Hemelaar said: when the mother something wants for the child (she thinks the child is sick), you have to listen to the mother because she feels and knows best.

    • Reply
      sofarsosabine
      16 June 2016 at 19:52

      Love you too. That’s because doctor Hemelaar already saw what an amazing mother I have =) And he was right!

  • Reply
    Maria
    15 June 2016 at 16:38

    You are a kind soul and surely, a loving person. And I find this such an inspiring post for all moms, moms-to-be and aspiring moms. 😀

    • Reply
      sofarsosabine
      16 June 2016 at 19:52

      Thank you Maria!

  • Reply
    Kevin - JustKVN
    15 June 2016 at 20:33

    Heel erg mooi artikel sabine! Het was een heftige periode voor jullie beide. Maar jullie zijn er erg sterk uit gekomen. Dat is echt super mooi om te zien

    • Reply
      sofarsosabine
      16 June 2016 at 19:52

      Dank je wel Kevin. Dat zijn we idd, ook dankzij jouw hulp! x

  • Reply
    Elien
    16 June 2016 at 11:12

    Wow heel mooi geschreven. Wat een heftige periode, heel veel respect.

    X Elien

    • Reply
      sofarsosabine
      16 June 2016 at 19:53

      Dank je wel Elien, wat lief van je! x

  • Reply
    Jessica
    16 June 2016 at 13:09

    You are a great mom and she’s surely a cute angel. You are strong and well composed, dear. Something to be proud of. :)

    • Reply
      sofarsosabine
      16 June 2016 at 19:53

      Thanks a lot. Becoming a mom was not easy but it was worth it!

  • Reply
    Dreammerin
    16 June 2016 at 13:52

    Beautifully written!
    Very proud of the both of you… It’s an incredible hard experience but you’ve been fighting and dealing with everything! Such a courage… sharing your story with us!
    Sending a lot of love and only good vibes! <3

    • Reply
      sofarsosabine
      16 June 2016 at 19:54

      Thank you very much dear! Yes, it’s my truth and Féline is still a big part of us.

  • Reply
    Sonnie
    16 June 2016 at 15:46

    Wifey had undergone C section twice- both for my son and daughter. Being a parent is a “continuous” life changing experience because you have to grow as your kids grow. Which for me is a little difficult, because as far as I’m concern, they are still my little boy and baby girl. (my kids are 19 and 17 years old now).

    • Reply
      sofarsosabine
      16 June 2016 at 19:55

      Yes, your wife did great! hahah yes, they always stay little in your eyes. I can imagine!

      • Reply
        Sonnie
        19 June 2016 at 03:05

        I’ve wished then, for my kids to stay small. I guess I’ll have to wait for grand kids 5-10 years from now.

  • Reply
    Nicole P
    17 June 2016 at 10:16

    I can’t help but think what would’ve happened to me if I was put in your shoes re: having your angel taken from you four months after fighting so hard, and I realized that I’m not sure if I could still be the same nicole that I am today. Great thing that you came out of said experience stronger than ever, as for me I think I would’ve been way too broken and I’m not sure if I would’ve survived said sadness…

  • Reply
    Vlad Vaida
    17 June 2016 at 11:43

    This is such a great post if you want to get a perspective from your mom. Like reading this I was thinking of my mom and how she feels. I tried to relate this to her. Great post!

  • Reply
    Kat
    19 June 2016 at 03:22

    Hi Sabine, this post is so touching. I’m not a parent yet and as of the moment I haven’t decided yet if I want to be one. I love kids though, I took care of nieces and nephews when they were still young. It’s truly heartbreaking that you’ve lost your daughter, at a very short time at that. I admire you for your courage to move on and still remember her with so much love. I know her soul will remember you both as loving and dedicated parents.

  • Reply
    Ana De- Jesus
    19 June 2016 at 15:15

    Aw hun its heartbreaking to hear about how much pain you are in with the HELP syndrome but you have accomplished a lot and you are a good mother. Keep doing yourself proud.

  • Reply
    Denice
    19 June 2016 at 16:54

    Hugs to you. Your little angel is just up there looking out for you. As a first time mom I agree with you when you mentioned a thing about instincts. I would always feel or know when something is up with Bunny and I always trust my instincts more than before.

  • Reply
    Cykaniki
    24 June 2016 at 03:39

    Super blessed, you showed unconditional love, I can really feel everything you’ve written in this blog, I have gone through 3 operations as well, indeed being a mom is such a blessing, Me and my husband really asking for a baby and we we’re blessed to have one, trials along the way will be forgotten after seeing our first born.

  • Reply
    Rowena Conde
    24 June 2016 at 04:11

    You are so brave dear! I agree with you when you said that things happen not because of karma. I firmly believe that we meet people because you will learn something from them, God gave them as an instrument of learning, and in this instance he gave your daughter for you to learn not just to become a mom but also to find out how strong you are, that you are a lion you never knew you are.

  • Reply
    Cai Dominguez - Travelosyo
    25 June 2016 at 15:52

    Im not yet a parent and not sure if I will be. But I salute you and every mother in this planet! All of you are awesome. Doing and giving everything you have for your children.

  • Reply
    Berlin
    28 June 2016 at 04:33

    Thank you for sharing your story. I agree with everything youve enumerated especially the Instinct part. I wish you well and I hope you get what your heart desires.

  • Reply
    Princess Mikee
    30 June 2016 at 13:33

    There is a reason and purpose for everything happened to us. You are a strong and brave woman. Feline will be forever your angel.

  • Reply
    Sofie Månberg
    5 July 2016 at 18:55

    Thank you so much for sharing your story🙏🏻
    So strong and beautiful in it’s own unique way❤️
    Love and Light – Always and Forever💫

  • Reply
    Anna Weiß
    9 July 2016 at 17:33

    Oh my dear, lovely, beautiful Sabine! I want cry after reading. I think she is your Angel forever, and now she take care about you <3 Hope&Love&Bless

    • Reply
      sofarsosabine
      11 July 2016 at 01:18

      Thank you sweety. She’s my angel forever <3

  • Reply
    Nazrin Miah
    16 July 2016 at 17:08

    This touched my heart, and made it ache. My eyes couldn’t help but water a little bit knowing that you’ve had to go through such a tremendous pain yet you have such a positive outlook on life, and are still hopeful. The world needs to be filled with more people like you! Sending you countless of hugs!

    http://www.shewillneverlose.com

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