Becoming a mom
As many of you know, we have had a daughter in august 2014. It’s almost 2 years ago. Our daughter Féline lived for 4 months only. Still I carried her for 6 months, she was early born, and I held her in my arms for 4 months. So I grew into becoming a mom and being a mom. This was the best experience in my life. I will never forget this and Féline made me a mom for life. I am grateful for this experience, although it was way too short and she should’ve stayed with us. I know she’s living in our hearts and when we talk about her, she is in our memories.
10 things I learned
There are 10 things I learned by becoming a mom. Of course, this is just my personal experience. Every one experience this in their own way and I think my way isn’t better than others, but I just want to share it with you.
- Looking forward to have your baby.
The moment you become a mom or a parent, is scary but beautiful. To dream and to look forward to have your baby is giving so much hope and future dreams. At the same time, it’s a new experience you have to adapt to.
- Dealing with pregnancy struggles.
Pregnancy struggles are normal, but they are not always pleasant. Being morning sick is one of the most normal things during pregnancy but still not easy to start your day like that. Usually it was better with me when it was after 10 a.m. But before that, I must say that I hated every morning.
- Dealing with pain.
I have had some pain in my back and belly, some strange cramps and I don’t know what more. Normally you know why you’re in pain and you can recognize the pain, but when you’re pregnant you don’t know whether it’s normal or not. That was very strange to me.
- Dealing with HELLP-Syndrome and Pre-eclampsia
Some of the worst pregnancy sicknesses that there is, is the HELLP syndrome (read more here). It’s a variety of Pre-eclampsia. I’ve had both sicknesses and that’s why the doctors saved my life with a emergency C-section when I was 26.6 weeks pregnant (Féline was exactly 3 months early born). The HELLP Syndrome and Pre-eclampsia are very scary, life threatening and very painful as well.
- My first surgery.
By having an emergency C-section, I experienced my first surgery. When they opened the belly, they cut 7 layers of tissue in the bump. It was very stressful, in the middle of the night, I smelled a lot of blood (my own) and it was very scary because it was dangerous too. I had no time to prepare myself to the C-section and when they took Féline out, I was not even allowed to hold her, she was put away in an incubator because she was only 740 grams. This is very upsetting after ‘giving birth’.
- Being patient.
Since I had to wait three days after my C-section before the nurses allowed me to hold our own daughter, I’ve learned to become more patient. The circumstances made us wait, because she was a bit too weak and they wanted to observe her first.
- Becoming a mom.
The moment I held Féline for the first time, I will never forget. Her legs had the same ‘rhythm’ when she kicked as in the bump. I remembered her like that from being in my belly and recognized it was her. This was the moment I felt that I became a mom. That she was born kind of. Even though it was 3 days after her birth date.
- Trusting my instincts.
Sometimes I had some ideas about her treatment on the Intensive Care, she was on the IC for 4 months. In an incubator for the first weeks, and later in a small bed. Sometimes I had ideas about her treatment or questions that I couldn’t know, but the doctors still listened and checked the questions I had. There were many moments when I was right, when I just had a feeling it must have been that way. Unfortunately I had a feeling when I was pregnant, that there was something wrong with my pregnancy or baby. But I thought it was normal ‘scariness’ of becoming a mom. I even dreamed about it. I’ve been checked often in Sweden in the hospital because I had strange pains and things during the pregnancy. I felt like something was wrong, but I never trusted my instinct enough. After becoming a mom, I trust my instincts much more.
- Being a lion.
To go through such a hard time with being sick, learning how to walk again, an emergency C-section and 4 months on the IC being scared about the life of our baby, is something that brought out the lion in me. I was much stronger than I ever knew. My will was so strong and I didn’t know I had this in me. I was called the lion mom of the department, because I was fighting so hard for Féline. She was a little lion too, she was suffering every day but always smiling, happy, satisfied when she saw us and she was very pretty too. She was amazing. To get to know her, was so beautiful and I am honored that she came into our lives.
- Live is not always about me.
People ask themselves sometimes… “Why does this happen to me?”. Sometimes people think that it’s a punishment from God even. Or bad Karma. I think Féline was a blessing, I could never see this hard experience as something bad. However, this was maybe not about me, or my fiancé. I started to ask myself, “Why did Féline had us?”. Why did she had us in her life? We were one of the most dedicated parents in the whole hospital, we would have done anything for her and we did. Day and night we were available. Going to her, holding her hand with everything she went through. I even went with her in to the surgery room until it was no longer allowed. Which is really scary. I am glad that we could give this to her. I am glad that she maybe chose to be born with us. She needed to experience unconditional love maybe. We gave that to her. Maybe she needed to experience to have a mom and dad that would do anything for her. So I am not feeling sad for myself, I don’t ask myself why I had to go through this. No, I am happy that she was with us. I am happy that I am her mother and Mache her father. I am happy that she changed the both of us. The situation showed us who our true supporters and friends are in life. The situation opened a lot of eyes and I am grateful for that. Even though, I think no mother (or father) should ever loose a baby, because it’s so hard, but we are trying to make the best of the situation now. I am super grateful for having her for four months, rather than losing her right away. Even though I loved her more every day. She will always be my first baby girl and I will always be her proud mommy! <3
What did you learn by becoming a parent?
How do you feel about this article?