Behind the beautiful clothes, gifts and smiles this year, there will always be one part missing…
One part of our heart. One part of our happiness. One part of our family.
No one understands what it is to loose a child, until you’ve been there yourself. And thank God, because I don’t wish this pain for anyone that I know.
No one will understand the pressure of Christmas and ‘Happy New Year’, that comes with that loss.
As a mother of a baby in heaven, it’s not always showing from the outside how things feel from inside.
Maybe it shows in being less interactive. Maybe it shows in being less excited about things or people. Maybe it shows in caring less about small issues. It’s simple, because there is not always enough room or energy to care in the same way.
The bitterness of missing one of the most beautiful gifts, a child, is nothing to put away for other peoples sake.
I share my happiness with everyone. I share the loss with everyone.
Understandable, that people think that ‘after 3 years’, it must be better. And yes, that is the case. It’s better. And sometimes it’s worse than ever…
Sometimes, my anger is worse than 3 years ago, when I was overwhelmed with sorrow and pain. Now I am angry, that we will never have the Christmas picture with all of us in it.
So, I don’t care anymore about the ‘perfect Christmas picture’ or the perfect Christmas tree, card or party.
It’s hard to fake it and so not necessary. Real friends will understand. They have seen me and carried me in the struggle.
There hasn’t been one single day in my life that I haven’t missed my daughter.
There hasn’t been one single day in my life that I haven’t thought about her.
However, we try to feel blessed for all the happiness we share with others. With people that still ask. With the people that still care and send us love. Even when we are silent.
We don’t always share the sorrow anymore. Since we have learned to handle it on our own, as a team of two (new) parents. As a team of a new family with lots of loved ones to care as well.
Thank you all for 2017 and the support. I hope we can still count on another year of support in 2018. I hope we can still share our story, even if it’s three years old and you have heard it, more than once. It means the world to me and to us, that you STILL CARE TODAY.
More than words can express… This loss is hard to carry, but never impossible, thanks to you all.
Stay strong, everyone has a story. Stay strong, everyone has a loss. There’s always a reason to cry but there is also always a reason to try!
Try to make something beautiful of your life in the New Year! Try to make the world a bit more beautiful. Try to forgive. Try to live! Try to say yes and try to say no!
The year is yours alone. New start, new beginnings, a new route. With new love, new sadness, new happiness and new most of all NEW CHANCES.
HAPPY NEW YEAR <3
Best wishes for you! <3
Mother of Féline,
and Mason 🙂