Behind the ‘festive’ season…

baby - behind the festive season - blogger loss daughter 1Christmas and New Year, the ‘festive’ season.
Behind the beautiful clothes, gifts and smiles this year, there will always be one part missing…
One part of our heart. One part of our happiness. One part of our family.
No one understands what it is to loose a child, until you’ve been there yourself. And thank God, because I don’t wish this pain for anyone that I know.
No one will understand the pressure of Christmas and ‘Happy New Year’, that comes with that loss.
As a mother of a baby in heaven, it’s not always showing from the outside how things feel from inside.
Maybe it shows in being less interactive. Maybe it shows in being less excited about things or people. Maybe it shows in caring less about small issues. It’s simple, because there is not always enough room or energy to care in the same way.
The bitterness of missing one of the most beautiful gifts, a child, is nothing to put away for other peoples sake.
I share my happiness with everyone. I share the loss with everyone.
Understandable, that people think that ‘after 3 years’, it must be better. And yes, that is the case. It’s better. And sometimes it’s worse than ever…
Sometimes, my anger is worse than 3 years ago, when I was overwhelmed with sorrow and pain. Now I am angry, that we will never have the Christmas picture with all of us in it.
So, I don’t care anymore about the ‘perfect Christmas picture’ or the perfect Christmas tree, card or party.
It’s hard to fake it and so not necessary. Real friends will understand. They have seen me and carried me in the struggle.
There hasn’t been one single day in my life that I haven’t missed my daughter.
There hasn’t been one single day in my life that I haven’t thought about her.
However, we try to feel blessed for all the happiness we share with others. With people that still ask. With the people that still care and send us love. Even when we are silent.
We don’t always share the sorrow anymore. Since we have learned to handle it on our own, as a team of two (new) parents. As a team of a new family with lots of loved ones to care as well.
Thank you all for 2017 and the support. I hope we can still count on another year of support in 2018. I hope we can still share our story, even if it’s three years old and you have heard it, more than once. It means the world to me and to us, that you STILL CARE TODAY.
More than words can express… This loss is hard to carry, but never impossible, thanks to you all.
Stay strong, everyone has a story. Stay strong, everyone has a loss. There’s always a reason to cry but there is also always a reason to try!
Try to make something beautiful of your life in the New Year! Try to make the world a bit more beautiful. Try to forgive. Try to live! Try to say yes and try to say no!
The year is yours alone. New start, new beginnings, a new route. With new love, new sadness, new happiness and new most of all NEW CHANCES.
Best wishes for you! <3
Mother of Féline,
and Mason :)

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  • Reply
    Leny van der Knaap
    1 January 2018 at 23:05

    Precies zoals het is 😘

  • Reply
    2 January 2018 at 15:57

    Zelfs na 27 jaar kan het nog pijn doen als je er aan terugdenkt… Je leert er mee leven maar soms kan het even niet en ben je uit t lood geslagen.
    Love them all,

  • Reply
    5 January 2018 at 18:32

    A heartfelt message just in time for the holidays. I may not be able to say a lot but I wish you lots of love and I hope you had a merry Christmas and a prosperous new year ahead! She’ll be forever in your hearts and I feel she’s smiling on you right now. 💙

  • Reply
    Teresa Gumap-as Dumadag
    8 January 2018 at 08:29

    I am also a mother. Just the thought of losing any of my children puts a big weight on my heart. I may not fully understand the depth of your sorrow, but somehow, I understand where you are coming from being a mother myself. Christmas can be a trying time for people who have lost a loved one because it’s usually spent with family.

  • Reply
    8 January 2018 at 23:55

    It is impossible to even imagine what you must have passed through. It is really hard to read this text since it is truly emotional. And I simply can’t find the proper words for expressing my thoughts and feelings. All I can say is that Christmas might be a new and better start. Wish you all the best.

  • Reply
    Amila Wickramarachchi
    9 January 2018 at 06:21

    I hope you will have a wonderful year! I cant imagine how you passed these years after losing your child.When I read this post,it made me tearing.You must be strong to spend these years without her.Stay strong and happy!

  • Reply
    9 January 2018 at 12:25

    I feel for you! A loss is a loss, un-replaceable by any means. Hope time heals you and may you have more new happy moments to partially tide over this difficult phase.

  • Reply
    Swayam Tiwari
    9 January 2018 at 15:12

    Happy New Year to you, dear Sabine! I hope you and your partner are always happy in this year. It is very difficult to forget our losses but I guess, life carries on. All te best to you.

  • Reply
    9 January 2018 at 19:26

    Happy New Year, words cannot express how I would sympathize with you, because I’m not in a position to say anything regarding of the things that you go through, but as a mom, I can understand a bit when it comes to our child. It’s not easy but I’m blessed that you chose to be thankful and feel blessed amidst of everything. Godbless you even more.

  • Reply
    11 January 2018 at 01:23

    Wow! Happy New Year 2018! Love your posting here, it’s so thoughtful & meaningful. Yes, gonna try my best to say more yessss this year too. And absolutely important to be always grateful & blessed :) cheers, siennylovesdrawing

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